just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
