She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
