literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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