I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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