So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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