Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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