everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize