Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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