i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
