So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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