threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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