Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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