Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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