the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
