i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
