Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
