don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
