Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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