I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
