dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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