Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The Olympian is in my bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
