My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize