You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
