yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize