i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
