He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
