there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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