Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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