the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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