I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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