mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
