Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
