i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
