I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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