3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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