i dont even know how to be here
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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