I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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