I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
