Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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