you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize