im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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