So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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