I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
