so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
