I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
