What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
