I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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