i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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