There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
