Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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