never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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