Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
