I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
