Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
