Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
