I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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