if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
