Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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