She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
