btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
