I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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