ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
