he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
