Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
